Yearnings

My soul yearns to love,

Yet it can't

My soul yearns to breathe,

Yet it can't

My soul yearns to smile,

Yet it can't

It's this fever that's with me

Always, that bounds my soul

It can't seem to leave me behind 

Please leave me,

Let me see

And then there is the obsession

Which is you

That I have to fight somedays

For no reason at all

Which part of me is true?

The fever or the obsession?

Which part of me is me?

The low or the high?

Why is it like this?

It's killing my soul

How will I live without love?

My soul yearns to leave,

Yet it can't

Intense, No Depth, Missing, Anxiety(Severe?)

On gluten

Whey

 Nothing helps me like fermented whey liquid.

Everyone's Sleeping (for Abyss)

I'm burning, can't you see?

Can't escape this pain

And there's no end in sight

Heart's broken, can't breathe

Yet i have to do what's expected of me

Like a clock I'm ticking

And no one can see this pain

Everyone's sleeping

Can't see all the madness

Where's the food? I'm hungry. 

Feed me. I'm starving.

You don't see us dying and begging for life

Cause everyone's sleeping

Sleeping in a life of excess

Why all the rape? Yet no one can love freely

Why all the judgements?

Where's all your love?

Can't you see us crying?

Maybe afterall, we didn't want this life?

Are you still sleeping?

Can you see us all in pain?

Help us and love us.

Oh god, help us

Derealization

To do right

To do right I need to be able to love

Which I'm not right now

And I don't know why

One should be able to love oneself and others

I think that's essential to a good life

Maybe I need meds

Focus on Happiness

I need to focus myself so that I may experience happiness.
Be it going gluten free, low lactose or even not having casein.
Together with fermented whey liquid, exercise, sunlight and meditation.
Fill my heart with love, and passion
To work and enjoy the pleasure of creating things
I should feel happier again, slowly but surely I have to try.
Maybe I am more knowledgeable now on what to do.
I have to care about the execution now.

Anxious Delusions

Anxious brain creates some delusions

Which feels so real that it's hard to realise that they are delusions

You get to live with the anxious thoughts and beliefs which in turn affect how you live and experience life.

It's painful and even more painful when the glaring delusions start to affect other people.

You try to change but you are enslaved to your anxiety.

And those delusions come back.

And you get to live it again.

Worst of all, you get to relive the memories of it all. How you hurt them.

And how even a slight change in the course of events could have avoided everything.

Who's to blame?

Is it the anxiety or you?

In the end, it's just you

Who suffer and have to bear with the consequences.

Not your anxiety

And that won't sit well with the anxious brain either.