Lost

 I was crying out to God to help and heal me
To heal my mental health and make me feel better
It was a desperate call.
After all the tears, I slept for a bit
And woke up feeling stable.
A lot stabler.
I don't know why.

Maybe I should try a stricter lactose free diet.
Maybe god is giving me hope
to try again
Maybe it is the answer
I am confused as to why it is though
Is it genetic lactose intolerance?
Or is it from the gluten sensitivity?

I asked chatgpt and it said it's better for me to go
gluten free and low lactose diet for now
and see if the digestion of lactose improves over time
If it does, it's gluten
If it doesn't, it's genetic lactose intolerance

Thank you god, and chatgpt.

I hope all struggling people get help like me.
I hope all of them see the light and joy of living.
I wish for more love in the world.

Not a bit of happiness

 I wonder why.
Scared to eat gluten,
Can't work with lactose.
Confused and depressed.
Hopeless.
Why though?

Gluten Aftermath

Better to be dead.

Cup of Coffee(with milk!)

Next morning is a mess,
No motivation, slight anxiety,
No wonder I was depressed all along.
I think it's the lactose,
wonder what's the root cause though
Could it be undigested lactose leading to inflammation?
Could it be due to genetic lactase deficiency or
Could it be due to the slight damage from gluten?
Lactose is a culprit anyway, Can't work
Can't think about anything since I will catastrophize

No more cup of coffee with milk
Atleast for now.

Fatigue

More whey might help? 

I feel so tired.

NCGS and Severe Depression

 My mind is dark, and depressed.
Unable to appreciate the beautiful things.
Scared, unable to love.
Anxious and worried.
Is it the gluten?
I need to numb my mind now.