I feel dry

My project didn't work well yesterday.
Couldn't go to gym or badminton due to muscle pain.
Didn't have enough yoghurt and I don't feel good.

I have to keep trying today though. What other option do I have?

Essence

When I don't have fermented yogurt timely, I feel dead and dry.
Without it I feel like I have lost the essence of life.
No ability to love or live.
After all, milk is considered as Amrit in Ayurveda.

Lactose Intolerance and Depression - ChatGPT Deep Research

 See the pdf output.

Flight Test

I am trying to take off with my flight today. I am more hopeful this time. The vessel is much more robust and strong. It should help me survive the storms, as long as I abandon it. I should stick with it. Hopefully, it will go better this time.

I need to fix things. I feel left behind.

Tapering

 I had to cut my dosage of SNRI from 50mg to 25mg yesterday as prescribed and I have been in living hell since. I have to fight it out. I keep getting negative thoughts and I am tired. I am planning to have a bath in some hot water. Maybe tonight will be better.

Dry

 I feel dry without dairy. No energy to think or do anything productive. Just dry. Coffee helps a little to feel good. Need dairy so badly.

Some brands of lactase enzymes doesn't really work

 I don't know if it's just me but some brands of lactase enzymes doesn't really help me. Brands like bioven. I don't know why. Wish there was some quality control on their side. Or maybe they have. I don't know. I can feel that I am not absorbing enough nutrition. I just feel sad and dry. I have ordered from another brand now, but it will take a few days to reach.

Bad Loop

I've been having a terrible week.

I don't know if it's gluten or lactose. 

I have to be careful.

I'm tired.

Dependence on Dairy

Even though I am severely lactose intolerant, I start feeling low once I don't consume enough dairy products. The irony of it all. I am running on lactose free milk for now. I need to make good yogurt at home which I can hopefully tolerate better.

I don't like Java

I should never have used Kotlin.

Confusing

I don't feel well.
Even with meds.
I feel broken.
I feel like I have never felt alright.
I don't know if I can have gluten or not.
I'm scared of gluten.
Lactose depresses me.
I need to learn and improve.
But I am scared of my mind too.

Not a Good Day

I'm severely depressed today

I had my own yoghurt yesterday

Nothing feels good today

I have ordered some lactase enzymes

I'll get it tomorrow

I'm too tired for any happiness or joy

I couldn't work today 

There was no hope

Why am I like this?

Tired of all this

Rough Sea

I feel like I am in rough sea at the moment.
I feel like my ship was late to completion.
And maybe I should have waited for sometime
before attempting and creating shipwrecks.

Now I have to decide, if i should sail on my own
or try to join other ships.
Getting into other ships is not easy either.
I have to learn new skills.
And I am trying to learn anyway.

I hope my mental health stays good enough
for me to try all of these at least.
It is sad. That I had to leave my previous ship.
But fate maybe. Or is it the helm?
I feel sad either way. 

Sleep and Never Wake Up

I don't know what's wrong with me

People may see me as ungrateful

My stomach burns

I don't know if it's gluten

I'm not able to tolerate lactose at all

How will I live or be happy? 

Only thing that sustains me is the medicine.

holding on

I didn't write anything till now since i was holding on to life barely especially in the mornings. 

I have restarted the medicines.

Stopped gluten a day back.

I don't know if it's the gluten or my situation that's giving me crippling anxiety.

I couldn't do anything but just hold on to my own dear life.

On bed. Just holding on.

Everyone supports me. And that gives me some hope even though I couldn't see.

Today morning it's a little better.

The weight has decreased. Not fully. But it's some hope for me.

I won't have gluten anymore.

Not because any tests are positive but because I want to breathe and live.