Tapering

A few of my closest friends had told me that I was different before, that I was calm and collected. They were curious about what happened to me. They couldn't grasp what happened to me. They still might think that I am creating all the fuss.

Now, I am trying to taper my medicine with a casein-free diet(dairy-free now, thinking of adding fermented whey liquid back later). Maybe casein was all there was to my mental health issues. Perhaps casein was the one causing all the inflammation in my body. Maybe once I stop casein, my mind and body can heal. Finally, I might be able to enjoy life more.

Stopping Medicine?

I am trying to stop the medicine that I am taking.
I don't know if it's the right choice to make.
It's the second day and I am already feeling dizzy.
I had half of the medicine to taper.
Should I keep having gluten?
What are the spots on my head?
Should I try having casein?
Will the lactose intolerance fade away?
Should I just sleep?
I don't know what's right.
My stomach's big
What are the things that upsets my stomach?
Without the medicine I might be able to identify things clearer?

I find myself more open to the idea that casein could be the source of my inflammation, and thereby my mental health issues.

Nutrition

I think one of the core issue why I struggle mentally is my dietary restrictions.
I have been a vegan mostly till I turned 19.
After that I had tried adding milk, but it didn't went well sadly.
But then when I go vegan, I feel lifeless and confused.
It's like I need something more. And milk helps initially.
B12 tablets doesn't help with that feelings.
I am experimenting with eggs now.
I have been finding it easier to have omelettes.
Today I am trying out boiled egg pieces with chilly powder and salt.

Don't judge me but I feel alive a little right after eating a small piece.
May I get more courage to eat more nutritious food soon. 

Depression

Depression hits me like a brick out of the blue.
It was not there and yet it is back again. Since three days.
Not sure if it's bipolar, or the casein that i accidently ingest.
Gluten doesn't seem to make me happy anymore.
Nothing pleases me.
I don't feel any good even on the medicine.
I am thinking of stopping it.
Maybe it will give me more clarity.
Clarity which I surely need now.
Don't want this sadness with me.
Can't do anything with heart. 

Suddenly

Suddenly everything is irritating.

Every dirt tears me apart to the core.

My skin bleeds with every dirt and imperfection.

Note Added Later (Thursday, 3 July 2025 12:09:52):

I had some butter as part of green peas masala for dinner, and I am assuming that caused or started all the chaos for reasons not scientifically known to me. Either the lactose leading to bacterial imbalance is causing slight inflammation in my small intestinal lining(Marsh 1 Inflammation) leading to depression, or the undigested lactose could also be affecting the production of serotonin.

I am unsure at the moment of what exactly is causing the issue. It could be casein too. Gluten gives me a burning sensation, but I am continuing with it since I feel it makes me a lot more lively and happy for now. I am on medicine too. So can't really say for sure.